Jokes

What's funnier than a dead baby?
A dead baby in a clown costume!

How do you know when a baby is a dead baby?
The dog plays with it more.

How do you make a dead baby float?
Take your foot off of it's head.

What's the difference between a dead baby and a trampoline?
When you jump on a trampoline, you take your boots off.

What's brown and gurgles?
A baby in a casserole.

What do you call a baby floating in the middle of the ocean?
Fucked.  

What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs in a swimming pool?
Bob.

How do you stop a baby falling down a manhole?
Stick a javelin through it's head.

How many babies does it take to paint a house?
Depends how hard you throw them.

What's purple, covered in pus and squeals?
A peeled baby in a bag of salt.

What's the difference between a bucket of gravel and a bucket of baby guts?
You can't gargle gravel.

What gets louder as it gets smaller?
A baby in a trash compactor.

What's the difference between a truck full of bowling balls and a truck full of dead babies?
You can't unload a truck full of bowling balls with a pitchfork.

Why did the dead baby cross the road?
It was nailed to the chicken.

How many dead babies can fit in a standard bucket?
Four and a half.

What is pink and red and sits in a corner?
A baby eating razor blades.

What is green and sits in a corner?
The same baby, six weeks later.

What's worse than finding 7 dead babies in 1 trash can?
Finding 1 dead baby in 7 trash cans.

What's the difference between a dead baby and a Styrofoam cup?
A dead baby doesn't harm the atmosphere when you burn it.

What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs laying on your porch?
Matt.

What is red and pink and can't turn round in a corridor?
A baby with a javelin through its throat.

What's got four wheels, smokes and squeals?
A bus load of babies on fire.

When is the best time to bury that baby you killed?
When it starts talking to you again.

What has 4 legs and one arm?
A Doberman in a daycare centre.

What's the difference between a dead baby and an onion.
You don't cry when you chop up a dead baby.

What's more fun than a barrel of dead babies?
I really don't know....... probably nothing!

How many dead babies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
As many as it takes to climb on top of them in order to reach the socket.

What sits in the kitchen and keeps getting smaller and smaller?
A baby playing with a potato peeler!

What's blue and sits in the corner?
A baby in a plastic bag.

Yes we know that some of these jokes are about babies that are still alive, BUT they won't be for much longer!!!

Did you know? ....That it takes only 5-6 small babies to make a standard 500ml bottle of baby oil.